As we all know, the collaborative process is an alternative and healthier method of helping families resolve family legal interests.  While our own behavior remains within our control, there are outside factors that are not within our control that can make the collaborative process challenging.  One example is working with a non-collaborative attorney within the collaborative process.  I know.  This sounds ironic.  However, we can all imagine and some may have even experienced situations in which this occurs. 

Picture a professional who is defensive and focuses on positions instead of interests even within the process.  Every time you attempt to speak and stick to the issues that need to be resolved, the other professional questions what you say and there appears to be a lack of trust.  How can you maneuver the situation to be able to ensure that the clients are well represented, and the process is successful?

1. Communicate clearly with that professional.   Having an open and honest discussion in a direct yet calm manner and understanding the other professional’s point of view is a great way to begin to break down the barriers of the challenge.
2. Focus on interests and not positions.   The collaborative process, as we know, is about addressing the families’ interests opposed to their positions.  Being reminded that this is one of the key distinctions the collaborative process upholds, contrary to litigation, is helpful.  Obtaining the reason behind why one of the clients feels so strongly about an issue is important to be able to help them problem solve and come up with a resolution that would meet their true interests and not what appears to be what they want on the surface.  This has long-term, positive results as you are focusing on the root cause of the issue and not viewing any other professional as working against you.
3. Involve a neutral facilitator.  One of the many things I love about the collaborative process is being able to work with neutral facilitators who are skilled in assisting the attorneys in the process and other professionals to focus on the clients’ interests and help calm the clients’ emotions so that the other professionals are able to focus on providing the quality services they are skilled in.  If there are ever times when the professionals are at odds and taking on their clients’ issues as if they were their own, the neutral facilitator helps to put things in their proper perspective in order for everyone to remain resolution focused as a team.
4. Set boundaries and consequences.  Family law can be one of the most emotionally draining professions.  As such, it is very important that boundaries are set between the professionals and their clients at the onset of the professional relationship.  The level and method of boundary setting is different for each person.  For me, in addition to advocating for families’ legal interests through the collaborative process it is important to maintain peace of mind, spend quality time with my husband, our three daughters, family, and friends, and have time for myself.  How do I accomplish this?  Having excellent time management skills is instrumental to me.  I systematically organize my calendar in a way where I am able to dedicate quality time to all things that are important to me.  When I am working with the team on a collaborative case, I am focused and that is my time to represent my clients’ legal interests.  We will have discussions offline to ensure a productive flow of the process and for them to obtain answers.  There are coordinated days and times this occurs, and we commit to sticking with those set days and times, absent an emergency, which we define as physical or sexual abuse, death, or neglect.  If a client or clients are not able to respect the boundaries agreed upon at the onset, a discussion occurs to determine whether or not the attorney-client relationship will continue. 
5. Document and address concerns.  Sometimes there are issues that constantly arise and must be addressed as soon as possible to avoid a breakdown in the collaborative process.  One way of handling this and ensuring effective communication between the team, is to memorialize the concerns in writing and to agree on a day and time to discuss the issues in a direct, professional manner.  The collaborative process is about maintaining openness, honesty, civility, and professionalism.  While the issues we as professionals encounter in these cases can be extremely challenging as we are tasked with helping families who are in the midst of traumatic times to transition them in a positive, healthy, and holistic way, we must remind ourselves that the process is here to support us and allows us to work together.  There is no, “I” in the collaborative process.  Brainstorming and being creative in problem solving together as a united front is key.

In summary, contrary to popular belief, the collaborative process, from my experience, has not been a kumbaya encounter.  Families are hurting, angry, resentful, etc. and need the support of their attorneys and other professionals to help set them up for success in the present and in the future.  In order to do this, the professional team must maintain unity, civility, and professionalism even if there are differing interests, values, and opinions to accomplish this goal.  For more information on the collaborative process and connecting with professionals internationally for additional support, check out: www.collaborativepractice.com/aboutus.